You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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