you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
