Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
