She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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