I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
