where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
