areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
