As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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