I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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