someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
