Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
