He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
