I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
