I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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