Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
