My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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