but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
