i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
