I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
