I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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