I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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