U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
