We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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