Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize