Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
