I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
