high people should be assigned attendants
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
