just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
