You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
