this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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