i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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