i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
