It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
