Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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