my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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