How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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