I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize