even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
