he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
