Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
