It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
