He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
