I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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