so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
