Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
