Me too!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
