4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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