Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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