You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
