Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
