brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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