I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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