The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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