I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
