So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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