Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
