Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
