The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize