Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
