thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
