...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
