is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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