If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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