...so i touched it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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