I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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