I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
