OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was like eating out sand paper
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
