captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
