you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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