I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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