I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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