can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
