He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize