I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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