i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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