Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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